Monday, July 9, 2012

My Imagination

I was drifting down the alleyway towards home when I stopped and saw an amazing poster just sitting there all by itself. There sitting right in the middle was...

Suddenly I was shaking with excitement, getting ready to dive down into the sparkling water below. My feet were all bouncy and my legs felt like jelly. I got my hands ready to dig my way down to the bottom of the pool when...

“On your marks get set go” I sprang up into the air and let my feet free from the ground for those few seconds I felt like I was flying. Until “splash” I hit the the water, it felt like concrete.

I flicked my legs back and forth, I was under the water for along time but then I popped out from under the surface. My arms pounded the water with strong waves, they felt like rubber just ripping through bricks. Heart racing, legs stiff, what could be better?

I hit the wall with a thud and bounded back off, I looked up ahead to see I was coming second. Faster and faster, I built up speed my arms almost fell off. My heart started to thud, I could almost touch the person in front, heading for the lead I smiled back at him. I was going to collapse only a few seconds...  

The wall was right up head 3, 2, 1,  bang! My arm crumpled against the wall. I lifted up my head from the water to find myself staring at the poster with the swimming champ diving on a 3 metre board in the alleyway.








Swimming Champ on Storybird

16 comments:

  1. You kept the reader hooked in throughout your exciting story, Tash!

    You cleverly build the anticipation by showing not telling and sharing your feelings. You chose precise nouns and verbs, as well as the perfect similes. Your ending makes you think and ties it all up wonderfully!

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    1. Thanks Mr.M!
      I really like the idea of doing your imagination.

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    2. Yes and I liked how you used your imagination and combined it with something you know a lot about: swimming.

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  2. Wow that was amazing Tash.
    That story bird was so cool and the pictures went with it really well with the writing.
    I reckon that your buddy will love this story.
    WELL DONE TASH:)

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    1. Thanks Floss!
      I really liked yours two.

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  3. Great Tash! Your story really hooks in the reader. I like how you put: I was drifting down the alleyway towards home when I stopped and saw an amazing poster just sitting there all by itself. There sitting right in the middle was... It is a great starting. When I first read it I wondered what would happen next. Then you put the exciting part. Then the great ending. Do you like swimming?

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    1. Thanks Katrina!
      You know I do that's why I go to swimming lessons and why I keep on swimming. Thanks:)

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  4. Wow Tasha! Your writing is really awesome. I like the part where it says that you were building up speed and it felt like your were about to fall off. WELL DONE:c)

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  5. Awesome Tash,
    Your story hooks the reader in very well they want to know what is going to happen next.

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  6. Wow Tash.
    Your story is great I love the starter when you said I was drifting down the alleyway towards home when I stopped and saw an amazing poster just sitting there all by itself.

    You are a really good writer.

    What was your favourite part in the story?

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    1. Thanks Parris!
      I liked the start just before the magic happens.

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  7. That is such a amazing story Tash.
    I like the ending the best what part do you like the most?

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    1. Thanks Amy!
      I liked the start when I Was drifting down the alleyway.

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